


Juice Boxes

by saintjoy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dialoglog, Domestic Bliss, Implied Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-11
Updated: 2014-01-11
Packaged: 2018-01-08 09:19:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1130889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintjoy/pseuds/saintjoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>KARKAT: I DON'T EVEN GET A PROPER WELCOME HOME??<br/>DAVE: aw shit karkitten im sorry<br/>DAVE: here lemme get into my apron and bake you some welcome home cupcakes<br/>DAVE: frost each one individually with white buttercream icing<br/>DAVE: maybe ill even let you lick the spoon<br/>DAVE: get that icing dabbed on your lips<br/>DAVE: maybe a bit on your cheek<br/>DAVE: maybe some clings to your hair and drips off when you run your fingers thro—<br/>KARKAT: STOP.<br/>KARKAT: JUST. STOP TALKING.<br/>DAVE: make me<br/>KARKAT: STOP DISTRACTING ME WITH THOUGHTS OF MAKING OUT WITH YOU RIGHT THIS SECOND BECAUSE YOU SAID THAT.<br/>DAVE: make me<br/>KARKAT: PLEASE GO FUCK YOURSELF ON SOMETHING SHARP AND HOT.<br/>DAVE: well i dunno about sharp but i got something pretty hot standing right in front of me<br/>KARKAT: IF YOU WANT TO GET LAID YOU HAVE TO CLEAN UP ALL THESE FUCKING JUICE BOXES FIRST.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Juice Boxes

**KARKAT: DAVE?**

**KARKAT: DAVE, WHERE IN SEVEN GLEAMING PILES OF SHIT ARE YOU.**

**KARKAT: THERE ARE SEVERAL IMPORTANT MATTERS THAT WE NEED TO DISCUSS.**

**KARKAT: NAMELY, WHY THERE ARE APPLE JUICE BOXES LITTERING THE FLOOR OF OUR APARTMENT.**

**KARKAT: I FUCKING TOLD YOU THAT YOU WEREN'T ALLOWED TO HOST ANY PARTIES FOR OUR ANUS-PROBING FRIENDS WITHOUT ME AROUND TO AT LEAST TRY TO ENJOY MYSELF AND SIT BACK WITH A GLASS OF YOUR HUMAN SOPORIFICS IN HAND.**

**KARKAT: ALTHOUGH BY THE END I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE INGESTED FIVE TIMES THAT AMOUNT DUE TO THE LALONDES' INFLUENCE AND MYSELF BEING IN AN IDIOTICALLY CHEERFUL STUPOR, AND IN THAT CASE I'D HAVE TO RELY ON YOU TO KEEP ME AWAY FROM JOHN SO I WOULDN'T WAKE UP THE NEXT MORNING WITH A CRUDELY DRAWN MUSTACHE AND SEVERAL DICKS ON MY FACE.**

**KARKAT: ACTUALLY, SCRATCH THAT, I'D HAVE TO TRUST _JOHN_ TO KEEP _YOU_ FROM DRAWING DICKS ON MY FACE, AS IF YOU DON'T FUCKING DO IT ENOUGH.**

**KARKAT: BUT INSTEAD, I COME HOME FROM MY TUMULTUOUS BUSINESS TRIP TO FIND DOZENS OF "AJ" BOXES BLOCKING MY WAY, AND YOU KNOCKED OUT ON THE COUCH WEARING ONE OF MY SWEATERS AND A PAIR OF MY BOXERS.**

**KARKAT: DAVE, WAKE UP.**

**DAVE: mnh**

**KARKAT: GET ON YOUR FUCKING FEET, YOU IMBECILIC NOOKJERK.**

**DAVE: no**

**KARKAT: NO??**

**KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO.**

**DAVE: dont wanna**

**DAVE: ow fuck what was that for**

**KARKAT: OH, I DON'T KNOW, FOR THE PURPOSE OF KICKING YOUR PITIFUL ASS INTO THE REALM OF THE LIVING SO YOU CAN MAKE A DESPERATE ATTEMPT AT FUNCTIONING LIKE A PROPER MEMBER OF SOCIETY?**

**KARKAT: WAIT, WHAT AM I SAYING.**

**KARKAT: YOU NEVER MAKE AN ATTEMPT AT FUNCTIONING LIKE A PROPER MEMBER OF SOCIETY.**

**KARKAT: YOU SIT AT HOME DRAWING THAT STUPID COMIC ALL DAY.**

**DAVE: hey now its a pretty popular comic**

**DAVE: i make like 500 a week just from selling merch**

**DAVE: and another 1000 from ads and shit**

**DAVE: those corporations be lapping up my site space like a baby suckling on his mamas teet**

**DAVE: nuzzling up close to her warm fatty boob as he practically inhales that tasty milk fuck yes**

**DAVE: so creamy and white and maybe just a bit salty**

**DAVE: shooting into his mouth as he licks his lips and bites ever so slightly**

**DAVE: but his mamas like no bitch dont bite that hurts**

**DAVE: baby dont care though he just loves his mamas milk and wants it every day yknow**

**KARKAT: THE AMOUNT OF DISGUSTINGLY OBVIOUS SEXUAL INNUENDOS IN THAT COMPLETED THOUGHT ASTOUNDS ME.**

**DAVE: i wasnt done**

**KARKAT: YOU ARE NOW.**

**KARKAT: I DON'T EVEN GET A PROPER WELCOME HOME??**

**DAVE: aw shit karkitten im sorry**

**DAVE: here lemme get into my apron and bake you some welcome home cupcakes**

**DAVE: frost each one individually with white buttercream icing**

**DAVE: maybe ill even let you lick the spoon**

**DAVE: get that icing dabbed on your lips**

**DAVE: maybe a bit on your cheek**

**DAVE: maybe some clings to your hair and drips off when you run your fingers thro—**

**KARKAT: STOP.**

**KARKAT: JUST. STOP TALKING.**

**DAVE: make me**

**KARKAT: STOP DISTRACTING ME WITH THOUGHTS OF MAKING OUT WITH YOU RIGHT THIS SECOND BECAUSE YOU SAID THAT.**

**DAVE: make me**

**KARKAT: PLEASE GO FUCK YOURSELF ON SOMETHING SHARP AND HOT.**

**DAVE: well i dunno about sharp but i got something pretty hot standing right in front of me**

**KARKAT: IF YOU WANT TO GET LAID YOU HAVE TO CLEAN UP ALL THESE FUCKING JUICE BOXES FIRST.**

**DAVE: dammit**

**DAVE: not now**

**KARKAT: YES NOW.**

**KARKAT: DO IT OR SUFFER.**

**DAVE: did you at least bring me back a present**

**KARKAT: I DID, ACTUALLY.**

**KARKAT: IT'S A BOOK WRITTEN BY MY FOOT TITLED "THE ROAD TO IN YOUR ASS."**

**KARKAT: IT'S COAUTHORED BY MY FIST, WHO GIVES IT THE ALTERNATE TITLE OF "THE JOURNEY DOWN YOUR FUCKING THROAT IF YOU DON'T GET UP OFF THE COUCH AND CLEAN UP YOUR TRASH."**

**DAVE: sounds kinky**

**DAVE: can you read it aloud to me at bedtime**

**DAVE: in fact is there an audio book we can play so we can listen to the literary genius as we frick against the wall**

**KARKAT: I WAS ONLY GONE FOR A WEEK.**

**DAVE: a week is a long time bro**

**DAVE: you dont even wanna know what shit i resorted to to release all the fucking sexual deprivation i was forced to suffer**

**DAVE: getting into some real fucked up shit**

**DAVE: i actually opened the package that bro sent us when we first got this damn apartment**

**KARKAT: ...AND?**

**DAVE: can we uh**

**DAVE: use**

**DAVE: some of the things**

**DAVE: sometime**

**KARKAT: ...???**

**DAVE: come on karkat are you really gonna make me say what was in there**

**DAVE: cant i just**

**DAVE: show you when the time comes jfc**

**KARKAT: AND WHEN WOULD THAT TIME BE, HM?**

**DAVE: it could be now**

**DAVE: can it be now**

**KARKAT: ONLY IF YOU CLEAN UP YOUR SHIT.**

**DAVE: fuck**

**DAVE: fine**

**DAVE: dont go into our room though**

**KARKAT: WHY NOT?**

**KARKAT: WHAT'S IN THERE?**

**DAVE: nothing**

**DAVE: just dont go in yet k**

**KARKAT: I DUNNO. I HAVE TO PUT MY LUGGAGE AWAY.**

**DAVE: do that later**

**KARKAT: NAH, I'M REALLY EAGER TO GET SETTLED BACK INTO MY OWN HOME.**

**KARKAT: NO WORRIES, I'LL BE QUICK.**

**DAVE: god fucking dammit vantas**

**DAVE: fine go in see if i care**

**DAVE: your fault if you spoil the surprise**

**KARKAT: MAYBE IT IS.**

**KARKAT: ...**

**KARKAT: OH MY SWEET FUCKWARBLING GRUBGUZZLER.**

**DAVE: mhm**

**KARKAT: FUCKING.**

**KARKAT: _SHIT._**

**DAVE: mhm**

**KARKAT: HOW DOES THAT EVEN**

**KARKAT: THAT**

**KARKAT: WOW.**

**DAVE: ill use all of them on you if you want**

**DAVE: if**

**DAVE: and as a matter of fact only if**

**DAVE: we do it right now**

**DAVE: and i clean this up after**

**KARKAT: YOU DRIVE A HARD FUCKING BARGAIN, STRIDER.**

**DAVE: heh**

**DAVE: fucking bargain**

**KARKAT: GET IN HERE YOU DISGUSTINGLY PERVERTED AND PITIFUL DOUCHEASS.**

**DAVE: love you too babe**

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a billion years ago why didn't I publish it is beyond me


End file.
